This column reminded me that somewhere in my archives lies a tattered copy of the "Shakespeare Insult Kit," which offers three columns of Shakespearean phrases that may be used in any combination to let someone know how you truly feel about them: Two examples: You "fobbing knotty-pated malt-worm" - or perhaps "vain swag-bellied codpiece." I've forwarded it to you. Maybe it will inspire a future 5 AM story.
Good writing, Bob. You've definitely developed a winner with your specialized lexicon. I did have to take a walk around the garden after reading the piece, though, to ward off the onset of a bilious attack...
Bacon Jalapeño Honey Bun Burger has jalapeños and lettuce. Was this item dreamed up by Taylor Farms? Your honey buns could get a work out if you eat one.
ewwww... just to show you I can be a grown-up, I originally invented a scene in which somebody with Explosive Diarrhea has a S'Mork at the fair, but I took it out.
What a good memory you have! I did sign one, but my attorney says I enjoy the same immunity that President Trump enjoys. Something about blanket immunity for Substack writers. They can't audit my taxes, either.
Yeah, fair food is a species all its own. But you know it’s specialized, only available at a specific time and place. You didn’t say whether you actually tried some of it. Another gastronomic species is NYT food. They have an actual recipe for a BLT! And what the heck is Crispy Haloumi?
It's tough for a New Yorker to acknowledge defeat, but I got to admit it: The culinary offerings at the Indiana State Fair are far more disgusting than anything I've found at the Dutchess County fair in Rhinebeck, New York. What did they have? Fried oreos and pickles, corndogs. But the S'Mork,"Slow-smoked pulled pork, layered with marshmallow, chocolate, and graham cracker flavors on a fried sugar biscuit", is the most horrifying dish I've read about. Has anyone ever eaten one? How long did they survive? An animal died for that abomination?
Using Trump descriptives to write about it, though....brilliant.
Now leave the fairgrounds and find a nice, grilled hot dog.
This column reminded me that somewhere in my archives lies a tattered copy of the "Shakespeare Insult Kit," which offers three columns of Shakespearean phrases that may be used in any combination to let someone know how you truly feel about them: Two examples: You "fobbing knotty-pated malt-worm" - or perhaps "vain swag-bellied codpiece." I've forwarded it to you. Maybe it will inspire a future 5 AM story.
Somebody, somewhere also thinks that "chicken and waffles" is a good idea. Blegh!
What are you doing going to state fairs anyway? Personally, I spent the weekend reading the Robert Fagles' translation of The Odyssey...
Heidi, Heidi, Heidi... You don't NEED to read the book, there's a movie now!
That's not the elite way, Bob...
Good writing, Bob. You've definitely developed a winner with your specialized lexicon. I did have to take a walk around the garden after reading the piece, though, to ward off the onset of a bilious attack...
Looking at that green pizza photo, I wondered if anyone had thought of putting mushy peas on a pizza.... there's a fortune to be made....
I'm afraid that took me back to the garden...
Bacon Jalapeño Honey Bun Burger has jalapeños and lettuce. Was this item dreamed up by Taylor Farms? Your honey buns could get a work out if you eat one.
ewwww... just to show you I can be a grown-up, I originally invented a scene in which somebody with Explosive Diarrhea has a S'Mork at the fair, but I took it out.
Toilet Head Johnson could have been the star of the sideshow.
I thought you signed a non disparagement agreement before moving back to Indiana! lol
What a good memory you have! I did sign one, but my attorney says I enjoy the same immunity that President Trump enjoys. Something about blanket immunity for Substack writers. They can't audit my taxes, either.
You have such a way with words ... even when they're someone else's!
Yeah, fair food is a species all its own. But you know it’s specialized, only available at a specific time and place. You didn’t say whether you actually tried some of it. Another gastronomic species is NYT food. They have an actual recipe for a BLT! And what the heck is Crispy Haloumi?
The scariest part of this is that you don't put AI generated pictures of the food, which means it actually exists??
As if they don’t have food like this at the Harlan County Fair, down where you live….
We have very sophisticated Hot Browns and Plehns doughnuts.
Nope. I cannot like this one.
It's tough for a New Yorker to acknowledge defeat, but I got to admit it: The culinary offerings at the Indiana State Fair are far more disgusting than anything I've found at the Dutchess County fair in Rhinebeck, New York. What did they have? Fried oreos and pickles, corndogs. But the S'Mork,"Slow-smoked pulled pork, layered with marshmallow, chocolate, and graham cracker flavors on a fried sugar biscuit", is the most horrifying dish I've read about. Has anyone ever eaten one? How long did they survive? An animal died for that abomination?
Using Trump descriptives to write about it, though....brilliant.
Now leave the fairgrounds and find a nice, grilled hot dog.
Superior.