(My most surreal photo, ever)
I usually try to protect my readers from stuff like this, but Substack keeps sending these detailed statistics to me, and what else am I going to do with them but turn myself into a numbers wonk?
I began publishing 5 a.m. Stories in March, 2023, so it’s a little over two years old, and Substack tells me my page views have now passed 125,000.
In the online world, that isn’t huge. Heather Cox Richardson gets125,000 hits while she’s flossing her teeth after breakfast.
But then, Heather is a whole lot smarter than I am. Considering my obvious limitations, 125,000 is way, way above anything I would have dreamed of when I launched.
Let’s talk about geography. In the United States, I now have subscribers to 5 a.m. Stories in 44 states. Who’s missing? Four contiguous states - Montana, Wyoming and both Dakotas. In addition, Arkansas and Vermont are holdouts.
Looking at my latest map, I get very suspicious. I believe Canadians are crossing the border into Montana and North Dakota and Vermont and somehow preventing decent, hardworking Americans from reading my stuff.
Internationally, I have subscribers in 27 countries! I just added Bulgaria, so a big hello to my friends in the former Ottoman Empire, and let me add, "Здравей!!!!”
If you want to help me stand my ground against those Canadians, please click on the handy SUBSCRIBE NOW button below, to join up.
It’s just $5 a month, and you won’t even miss it. Don’t delay!
Offer good while supplies last. Not sold in stores. Void where prohibited by law.
Rene Magritte, Salvador Dali, Albrecht Durer, and a veterinarian walk into a bar. Magritte says to Dali, "see that cat over there?" "You mean the one staring in at us?" "Next to the dog, yes. I think I'd like to paint her." Durer, not to be outdone, butts in, "Gentlemen, that won't do at all." Scoffs under his breath, . This is a most dull tableau. You need fire, and skies opening up over the dog, with---" Magritte responds,"Oh, not that again, Durer, the last time I listened to you and put that in I got a call from the Inquisition!" Dali says, "Rene, aren't you mixing up your times and such, I mean the Inquisition was so 12th century, and---" "Ha! Dali want's to correct me about TIME?!?!" He turns to the bartender, "Have you seen his watches and sundials!!?? And he want's to lecture me about that!" The veterinarian, whose quite bored with his companion's banter saunters over to a dark corner of the bar where a man, who happens to be M.C. Escher, is sitting at a workbench busy with a lithograph. The veterinarian asks him, "Is that a?" "Cat, yes. Two cats actually. .... .... And a dog.... And a staircase below into THE GREAT UNKNOWN VOID." The veterinarian, a bit uncomfortable, but most reluctant to return to the bar, asks, "Is that white cat flying?" "Yes, he is transcending the void." The vet pauses, considering his next move. "Excuse me for saying, but don't you think at least a modicum of realism or structure would avoid, well, having your work compared to ...?" He gestures over his shoulder to Dali, Magritte and Durer. Escher thinks for a moment. Then his face lights up, "A railing! Brilliant! Just the thing." A day later it was finished. But where to send this marvel of Art, containing subtle humor, beauty, harmony, delight, and a perfect balance of the absurd and the real? The vet says, "Well, I know this guy in Indianapolis..."
And at least one Canadian subscriber in Cyprus.