Dear Robert Basler:
According to our Substack publishing records, your 5 a.m. Stories, which you launched last March 19, will soon be one year old! It’s hard to believe we’re almost at that milestone!
In case you haven’t been keeping track, your stories have amassed nearly 50,000 page views and 300 subscribers. Because you have opted not to charge, you’ve earned no money from the venture. Don’t spend it all in one place (Hah Hah).
Anyway, we feel the approaching day is worth some razzle-dazzle hoopla, and we’re putting up $268 to help you celebrate the event. Please submit your detailed party proposal ASAP, and we look forward to raising a glass with you!
Sincerely,
The Substack Editors
Dear Substack Editors:
I am overcome with emotion. I will begin immediately to plan the anniversary hoopla.
Off the top of my head, I’m picturing a huge concert, with either Taylor Swift or Yo-Yo Ma. Maybe both, if they are willing to cut us a deal.
Wait. Hold the phone. My wife just showed me a New York Times story about Substack’s recent image problems. Folks are cheesed off because you allow Nazi sympathizers to publish newsletters on your platform.
I understand that Nazi writers are okay with you so long as they don’t incite violence?
Best of luck in choosing to draw the line there. I’m wondering if you watched any news coverage on January 6, 2020. It turned out, once people do incite violence, it’s pretty difficult to start drawing lines anywhere.
Plus, Nazis are going to incite violence. It’s what they do. Have you ever heard anyone say, “Oh, look at that sweet little baby, he’s just as peaceful as a Nazi!”
I would suggest that instead of throwing me a celebration, you spend my $268 to pay an editor to get the Goddam Nazis off your publishing platform.
Let me remind you, just a few years ago we literally fought a war to show how we felt about Nazis, and I don’t believe they have improved much with age.
If you are able to get rid of your Nazis and still have some money left over, please use the remainder to help protect animals. We are their only voice.
Oh, and I do plan to celebrate my anniversary. If you want details, just keep watching (Hah Hah).
The 5 a.m. Storyteller,
Robert Basler
This is so distressing and frankly alarming. I had NO idea that Substack provided such a platform. I’ve only read pieces from writers I admire (like Basler) and would not want to, even by association, aid and abet the promulgation of such vicious philosophies. I hope Substack will re-think its position and continue to provide a forum for fun reads and thoughtful, open-minded, honest debate, not hateful, dishonest rhetoric.
Your “Help the Animals” party is a grand idea!
Was very surprised to learn Substack posts Nazi newsletters. Will not be reading those anytime soon and wish Substack would rethink their decision.