You've Been a Lovely Audience...

Dumbfounding...Stupefying...Mind-boggling...

(Heather Cox Richardson shows 5 a.m. Stories on her tablet. AI-generated photo)

I just got some big news, and I want to share it with my dear readers.

Substack informed me yesterday that in the 40 months since I launched my 5 a.m. Stories on March 19, 2023, I have now received 200,000 page views.

This is mind-boggling.

Dumbfounding.

Stupefying.

I am gobsmacked.

I need to find a way to convey to you what that number means in the grand Substack scheme of things.

I’ve got it. You know Heather Cox Richardson, who writes a Substack called Letters From an American and is probably the smartest person in the world?

Heather is very, very, popular. I read her every day.

Let’s say Heather decides to mow her lawn with her shiny new red riding mower. In the time it takes her to do that, she will get about 200,000 page views.

The same number it took me 40 months to get.

(Heather Cox Richardson mows her lawn. AI-generated photo)

Let’s say Heather has a toothache, and she needs a root canal. She will get 200,000 page views while her dentist works on her, including the 30 minutes it takes to get her mouth numb.

These colorful comparisons help to illustrate why Heather doesn’t lose much sleep at night worrying about my 5 a.m. Stories overtaking her wildly popular Substack.

It also explains why I needed to employ Artificial Intelligence to totally fabricate a bogus photo of Heather showing my 5 a.m. Stories on her tablet.

Still, that 200,000 is a lot better than I thought I would do when I began all this. I had expected that Substack would send some thugs around to my house after a few weeks, to push my computer down the stairs and make an example of me.

Thanks to all of you for making this milestone a reality. I’ll see you the day after tomorrow with another adorable Feline Friday, and again this Sunday, with a potentially prize-winning new 5 a.m. Story.

Meanwhile, please join in. Become a paying subscriber to 5 a.m. Stories for only $5 a month. You may quit anytime you like.

For that $5 you get a new story every Sunday, plus features such as Feline Friday, Throwback Thursday and Wordsmith Wednesday.

You also get full access to my priceless archive of more than 200 original stories!

Best of all, as a subscriber, you get to leave public comments on my stories, and you may make them as snotty as you like. Take your best shot!

Sounds too good to be true? Just click on the red button below…