All The Bad Advice You Need

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(Pretty in Pink? AI generated photo)

Several weeks ago, I posted a 5 a.m. Story called When Verbosity is an Atrocity. In it, I poked fun at a New York Times column called The Ethicist, which gives lame and long-winded answers to trivial, moronic “problems” sent in by readers.

I gave some examples of how I would have replied to those same questions.

I think The Times editors were pretty impressed. They must be seriously considering turning the Ethicist column over to me, because they have requested proof that I hold a doctorate in philosophy.

As if! I sent them my high school transcripts, even the one showing me failing Chemistry.

I think it’s time to turn up the heat, to help them make the decision. Here are some more actual reader dilemmas which first appeared in The Ethicist, and the responses I would have offered.

I swear, all of these questions appeared in The Times:

My Wife Secretly Told Her Friends I Was a Loser. Now What?

That very same thing happened to me. I got over it. The friends probably already knew about you. It’s not much of a secret.